Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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