My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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