My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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