At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
