also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
