dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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