never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
