Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
