I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We are two peas in an std pod
We left the knife in your bed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
