Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
