I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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