I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
