I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
