I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
