Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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