Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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