You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
