cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
