I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
