O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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