She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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