i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
