I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
