I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
