I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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