He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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