TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
