Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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