I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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