Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
