I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
