Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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