I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
birth control should be required to get into college
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
