We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
