I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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