"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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