I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
