I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times