he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.