you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.