Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.