I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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