U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.