Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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