At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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