In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
