I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
