it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
