you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
