you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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