Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
