you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
be right there i have to get my cape
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
