But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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