how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
