So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
