That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
