Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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