the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
