His pubic hair was longer than his dick
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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