I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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