this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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