He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
smell my finger.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
