Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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