$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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