that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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