would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
