girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
